Who hasn't been influenced by a Coach in their life? Nobody. And what a great way for you to pay it back by coming to a place where apparently lots of Coach's hang out...Coach's Bar and Grill on 148th and Metcalf. When you show up July 17th you will be coached in the ins and outs of drinking, sitting on a bar stool, holding in your urine until approx 10 seconds before your kidneys burst, how to get a bartender's attention at a busy bar when you need a tasty beverage, what food is okay to eat from a stranger's plate before and after they have left, watching the television and not screaming in your head because the closed caption isn't on, and if you stay long enough...how to clean up bar-food infested puke. Do I take the lime with me teeth, do I put it in my mouth with my hand, do I grab it off someone else's body (this one can be tricky), when do I lick the salt, where do I lick the salt from, what do I do with the lime after the tequila is down and the lime juice has worked...I mean there are so many things you will learn at Coach's...from Coach's. How much does she need to drink to make you look good?...we will cover this in great detail but to give a little hint as to the things you will learn... this depends on if you took a shower, did you wear a clean shirt, do you have a booger sticking out of you nose, can she see a 6 inch ear hair, have you ever washed those disgusting open toed shoes you don't wear socks with, do you know what the word halitosis means, and so much more... In addition to the fabulous schooling, a reference card you can flip through to understand the correct pickup line given the number of drinks your target gender has had will be passed out at the door as you enter. For example, "How do you like your eggs?" will most certainly be met with "Unfertilized" if she has only had one drink...but using the reference card, you know your chances will be greater of the answer being much more favorable after 10 drinks. "You must be a parking ticket because you have FINE written all over you." won't even get a reply after 1 drink, will get a chuckle after 3 drinks, will get a "kiss off" after 5 drinks, but will actually be the beginning of a meaningful relationship at 8 drinks or more. How could you know all this? You couldn't...so stop trying and get down to Coach's to be coached in the fine art of drinking, talking, avoiding being pointed and laughed at, and learn when to use the right pick up line with who and where. Most girls melt like butter when you invite them to the pants party like Brick Tamland does in the movie Anchorman. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKgurjb8TCs Do you have what it takes to bring your game up to the level of Brick Tamland? Not without help you don't! Humble yourselves people! Get in the right frame of mind...ask for help...you know you can't do it all by yourself...get down to Coach's July 17th 2010 to see Perpetual Change perform live music along with the top 52 pickup lines on stage in pantomime and interpretive dance while you take notes and your ears burst with pleasure from the music.

See you July 17th at Coach's...9pm...bring your "A" game...and some cologne...Polo if you have it.

Jim The Motionless Rocker

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